Post-10: Peer comment + thesis statements practice + writing
Dear All,
Today I'd like to discuss with you a number of problems that keep recurring in your writing:
a) Did you have a chance to read one of the posts by one of your peers they wrote about one of the sessions at the IATEFL Conference? Probably, not yet. So, your first task is to choose one, read about it and comment on it by asking a couple of questions.
b) How to formulate a thesis statement
http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/thesisexerciseprint.html
c) What you need to remember about referencing the resources
for this task I'll analyse one of your works with you together and then let you add references correctly to one of the works you have recently written:
d) Techniques for writing conclusions: This is your home task for 24.03.19
--http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/thesisexerciseprint.html
--https://www.time4writing.com/writing-resources/writing-a-good-conclusion-paragraph/
Today I'd like to discuss with you a number of problems that keep recurring in your writing:
a) Did you have a chance to read one of the posts by one of your peers they wrote about one of the sessions at the IATEFL Conference? Probably, not yet. So, your first task is to choose one, read about it and comment on it by asking a couple of questions.
b) How to formulate a thesis statement
http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/thesisexerciseprint.html
c) What you need to remember about referencing the resources
for this task I'll analyse one of your works with you together and then let you add references correctly to one of the works you have recently written:
d) Techniques for writing conclusions: This is your home task for 24.03.19
--http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/thesisexerciseprint.html
--https://www.time4writing.com/writing-resources/writing-a-good-conclusion-paragraph/
1) What is wrong with this thesis? How can you revise it to make it more effective?
ReplyDelete“In this essay I will try to prove that drugs such as Prozac and Paxil are unnecessary and probably dangerous."
2）What is wrong with this thesis? How can you revise it to make it more effective?
ReplyDelete"In his novel The Long Walk, it seems as if Stephen King is attempting to make a statement about the evils of laissez-faire capitalism, and in my opinion the characters and settings reflected this well."
3) What is wrong with this thesis? How could you revise it?
ReplyDelete"The Great Gatsby is inarguably the best-written novel of the last 100 years, leaving millions of readers with either a renewed or disenchanted view of the “American Dream.”
4) What is wrong with this thesis? How would you revise it?
ReplyDelete“The cost of a college education is rising sharply.”
“While a college education is meant to be a gateway for any citizen to achieve success through hard work, the rising cost of college tuition along with more difficult loan-application processes have made attending college more and more a socioeconomic class-based activity.”
DeleteI suppose that this thesis statement is a nice one, because it is wider than the given one, it shows specific details, lists the points that should be given.
Melissa Flow it is more specific than the original one but also it's become too long, I'm afraid. Can you think of some way to make it more concise?
DeleteI've counted that there are 40 words in your sentence, while an average sentence length in English is about 30 words. Of course, this is an average figure but still it's smth to keep in mind when composing your sentences
DeleteI'd like to share a link to the article which explains it in more detail: http://countwordsworth.com/blog/what-is-a-good-average-sentence-length/.
Delete5) Should you always perfect your thesis before writing the rest of your paper?
ReplyDeleteI was hoping you would answer this question because it can give you an idea about how to make writing thesis statements easier for you
DeletePart II: Practice Revising Thesis Statements
ReplyDelete6) Revise this thesis to make the language more precise.
"The two films are different. One focuses on two women who are close friends and the other focuses on two male friends who are really just buddies."
The idea of these two films differs in the main characters who are two men and two women in the other film, and their relationship.
DeleteThe great difference between two films showing different types of people's relationships.
Delete"The films have some differencies. One's focused on the close friendship between two women and the second one is about two men who are just buddies, no more."
DeleteThe two films are different because one focuses on women who are close friends and the other focuses on two male friends who are really just buddies.
DeleteThese two films show us contrast between female and male friendly relationship.
DeleteMy thesis statement:
DeleteThe two films differ a lot as they focus on different kind of relationships: close friendship between two females and relationships between two males-acquaintances.
The two films are about friendship but first one focuses on female friendship and the second film is about two men-buddies.
DeleteThe two films are about friendship, but they they show close friendship between two people of one gender: two women and two men.
DeleteNatasha, your version is not specific enough and does not convey your attitude to the discussed topic
DeleteDasha, your version of the ThSt not specific enough and does not express your attitude to the topic of the discussion
DeleteDear All, i've read your versions of the ThSt and have to admit that they all lack one of the features of good ThSts, namely the expression of your attitude to the discussed topic
Delete7) Revise this thesis statement to make the claim more specific:
ReplyDelete“In The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevenson symbolizes English upper and lower-class society.”
Robert Louis Stevenson symbolyzes difference between English upper and low-class societies in Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde's The Strange Case.
DeleteRobert Louis Stevenson's book called "In The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" symbolizes difference English upper and lower-class society.
DeleteI feel that this thesis statement should have more details, but, unfortunately, I can't provide them, because I didn't read the above-mentioned book.
Unfortunately, I don't know enough about this novel, that's why I cannot develop the idea.
DeleteI don't have enough information about this nover, so I cannot do this task.
DeleteRobert Louis Stevenson shows the difference between upper and lower-class society using Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde's characters as psycological examples.
ReplyDeleteActually, i don't have enough information about Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde's characters so I can't make my thesis statement more essential and specific.
DeleteThanks for this comment. It is very good that you have realised the fact you need more information to improve it. I hope the discussion about the thesis statements was useful. I'll share another thesis statement exercise with you later and would ask you to complete it by the next time. Also, do the exercise about the concluding paragraph I have shared with you. I'll also add another exercise for you to complete to practise writing concluding paragraphs. In addition, I'll give you a new essay task to complete by the next lesson (26.04.19)
DeleteIn The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevenson symbolizes the difference between English upper and lower-class society and shows the problems of that time.
ReplyDeleteIn The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevenson helps to focus on the gap between English lower and upper-class society.
ReplyDeleteDasha, your thesis statement does not contain the attitude to the discussed question
DeleteHello, everyone! Dasha and I think that the previous thesis statement is not correct, cause it is better to write a thesis statement in one sentence.
ReplyDelete6) These two films have a lot of differences because one of them tells us about close friendship between women, and the other one shows common and not really close friendship between men.
The previous thesis statement is not correct, cause there is not enough information in the thesis statement, and it is too short.
7) In The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis tries to depict unequality between high and low society of the UK through the two absolutely different personalities of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Kirill, even though you mentioned yourself you don't have enough information to write a good thesis statement. You tried to gather it but still your version is not specific enough
DeleteThis is a thread for your answers about the concluding paragraph: Read the information in the resource I have shared and add a comment in the thread about it by answering the question what you learned from it that will help you write your concluding paragraphs better
ReplyDeleteThe article about Conclusions that i have just read gave me the information I owned before, except one thing - that I should leave my readers something to think about. Actually, I think, it's quite obvious but i've never thought of this option before. I think it is useful.
ReplyDeleteNatasha, I think you meant to say that you *knew" it before.
DeleteAlso, remember that in English a link verb is necessary instead of the dash you used. It is used in Russian this way.
DeleteI think that the article on conclusion that is given here (https://www.time4writing.com/writing-resources/writing-a-good-conclusion-paragraph/) is rea;;y useful. I have learned how to write a successful conclusion, as before reading it I had some problems concerning this part of essay! I recommend everyone to read it!
ReplyDeleteHello Melissa, I'm glad you've found this INFORMATION useful and hope you'll use them in your writing when appropriate
Delete
DeleteI'd like to share this resource which can help you revise and remember the features of a good ThSt: https://classroom.synonym.com/characteristics-good-thesis-statement-6558602.html
Very good article! I am also writing my master thesis. The article helped me a lot. For the regressions and the structure I used https://www.reponeric.com . There you quickly get results....
ReplyDeleteSolutions manual and Test Banks Online are the easiest tools to increase your college grades instantly. Get a 4.0 on your exams with Test Bank For Workplace Communications The Basics 8th Edition today.
ReplyDelete